Saturday, January 24

At A Loss

I'm not sure how to feel for the last day or so. My paternal grandpa passed away yesterday night. I am unsure how to feel because he did a lot of really nasty things in his life as well as some amazingly good ones. I am choosing to live in the moment and accept whatever feeling I have at the time I have it.
This evening my aunt called me to let me know that there will be no funeral now because he is being cremated and they will be spreading his ashes this spring at Collyer Mountain. While I think cremation is the responsible choice these days I also feel like I have been let down without a funeral at which to say goodbye. Since I haven't really been shedding tears I assumed that my emotions would come at the funeral. Now I don't feel that I have that chance. I guess when I finally wrap my head around it I will grieve.


  1. I am sorry for your loss but more specifically, that you are suffering. I had a grandmother who was the the worst example for a grandparent. When she died at 100, she was just as nasty and mean. I went to her funeral just to make sure that the wicked witch was really dead. She left in her wake 8 children who were all arguing and fighting among themselves to badly that they don't even speak to this day 12 years later. She told lies about one to the other, played favorites, and the day she bad-mouthed my own deceased mother to my face I got up and told her to enjoy her long and painful death to hell and her life in a sea of flames. I never knew anyone so vile in my life as her.

    Get your crying and grieving over and move on as soon as you can. Wasting time in suffering will not help you. Instead, find a way to NOT perpetuate his ways and go do something for good somewhere to help you feel like you are making a difference. For me, my way is to be the best granny I can be to my grandkids. When they ask me when I'll come back to visit that is my report card that I am doing it right.

    Be happy in spite of his bad deeds.

    I've walked a mile. I know the turmoil you feel.

  2. So sorry about your loss--I saw D & A this weekend. Wishing you peace.

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